Two Sides of the Same Coin: The Uncomfortable Truth About Narcissists & Empaths

In this week’s episode of The Healing Room, Marcia takes you into one of the most challenging—and liberating—conversations of your healing journey. We’ve all heard the familiar narrative: the narcissist is the villain, and the empath is the victim. But what happens when you look beneath the labels? What happens when you hold up the mirror?

Marcia breaks down the uncomfortable truth that narcissists and empaths are not opposites at all—they’re two sides of the same wounded coin. One inflates to survive, the other deflates. One hides behind superiority, the other hides behind selflessness. Both are masking the same core fear: “If you see who I really am, you’ll leave.”

This episode walks you through:

• Why empaths are magnetically drawn to narcissists—and why narcissists seek them out
• How both roles develop from the same childhood wounds
• The ways empaths use caretaking, self-sacrifice, and “being needed” as a mask
• Why awareness—not blame—is the key to breaking the cycle
• The liberation that comes when you stop performing and start honoring your own boundaries
• How to reclaim your worth so you no longer attract relationships built on wounds

With raw honesty and deep compassion, Marcia shares her own story of staying in a 30–year narcissistic marriage, the role she played without realizing it, and the moment she understood the truth that set her free.

If you’re ready to step out of old patterns, stop performing for love, and finally see what’s been hiding beneath your own mask—this episode is the doorway.

And remember:
 You are not the narcissist.
 But to heal, you must understand the mirror.

Join Marcia live every Monday at 7 PM EST on TikTok and IG for more real talk, more breakthroughs, and more freedom on the other side of your truth.

Transcript

Welcome to The Healing Lounge—the place where real talk meets real healing. Today’s episode is special because you’re stepping into a live session of The Healing Room, recorded every Monday at 7 pm Eastern on Instagram and Facebook.

Tonight’s topic is going to blow your mind. I’m keeping it real, open, honest, and transparent—because that’s what we do here.

The topic: Two Sides of the Same Coin – The Uncomfortable Truth About the Narcissist and the Empath.

If you’re here, you’ve likely been in a relationship with a narcissist or someone with strong narcissistic traits. And if that’s true, there’s a good chance you identify as an empath. That’s where this gets uncomfortable.

Change happens in discomfort, so I’m challenging you to walk with me. You might get angry or defensive, you might think I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I promise you—if you stay with me, freedom is waiting on the other side of this truth.

We’ve learned so much about narcissistic abuse. For me, even as a therapist, finally having language for what I was experiencing in my 30-year marriage changed everything. The confusion, the fog, the self-doubt… and that question so many of us ask:

“Is it me? Am I the problem?”

What I eventually understood was this: even though it takes two people to be in a dysfunctional relationship, I wasn’t the problem—but I was part of the problem. And I want to share with you why.

We usually see the narcissist as the villain—the one who manipulates, harms, and destabilizes. And we see the empath as the victim, the one receiving the abuse. That framing helps us name and validate our experience. It helps us find the strength to leave.

But here is what keeps us stuck:

As long as we believe we are fundamentally different from the narcissist, we stay trapped in the same pattern.

Tonight, I’m challenging that narrative. I’m holding up a mirror most people avoid. This healing journey requires you to look at yourself—not to blame yourself, but to understand yourself.

Here’s the question:

What if the narcissist and the empath aren’t opposites at all?
 What if they’re two sides of the same wounded coin?

Now, I’m not calling you a narcissist. But narcissism exists on a spectrum. On one end is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. On the other end?
 The empath. The codependent.

Two sides of the same spectrum.

Let me break down the comparison.

The narcissist hides their wounds behind grandiosity, superiority, control, and boundary violations. They inflate themselves to avoid feeling weak. They need admiration to feel alive.

The empath/codependent hides their wounds behind caretaking, service, selflessness, and constant giving. They deflate themselves to avoid conflict. They need to be needed to feel worthy.

One inflates. One deflates.
 Both are hiding.
 Both are afraid of not being loved, accepted, or valued.
 Both seek external validation—just in opposite ways.

It’s hard to admit, but it’s true:
 We’re both using other people to fill a void we refuse to face in ourselves.

Some of you may not agree with me, and that’s okay. We’re all in different stages of healing and self-awareness. If someone had told me this early in my journey, I would’ve rejected it too. I would’ve said, “I give everything and get nothing—how dare you compare me to a narcissist!”

But comparison isn’t the point.

The point is this:

Both the narcissist and the empath are performing.
 Both are wearing masks.
 Both are avoiding the same internal wound.

Let’s talk about the mirror effect.

The narcissist says, “I’m special,” and needs you to reflect that back.
 The empath says, “I’m not enough,” and needs the narcissist to need them so they can feel worthy.

Different expressions.
 Same fear:
 If you see who I really am, you’ll leave.

That fear kept me in a 30-year marriage. I didn’t know who I was without him. I didn’t know my worth without him. My identity lived in how much I could give, serve, rescue, and endure.

And he needed me just as much—I helped him hide his insecurities, and he helped me hide mine. We were a match made in heaven… or hell, depending on the day.

The core wounds are the same:
 The narcissist inflates to hide shame.
 The empath deflates to hide shame.
 Two sides. Same coin.

This isn’t about leaving your relationship—this is about awareness. You leave when you're ready. Awareness is what builds your readiness.

Now let me be clear:

The narcissist’s behavior is not your responsibility.
 Their abuse is not justified.
 You are not to blame for their choices.

But what is true is that your patterns are part of the dynamic. And until your patterns change, you will continue attracting the same kind of partner—because the wound hasn’t been healed yet.

So what do we do with this truth?

First, we grieve.
Seeing yourself clearly is painful.
This is the mirror you don’t want to look into.

Second, we practice compassion for ourselves.
We are not broken.
We simply learned to survive by shrinking ourselves, by being needed, by giving. Just like the narcissist learned to survive by inflating, dominating, and controlling.

Third, we stop performing.
Stop trying to fix the narcissist.
We were never trying to fix them.
We were trying to prove we were lovable.

When you stop performing, when you develop a solid sense of self, when you rebuild your worth from the inside—not from being needed—everything changes.

Here’s the liberation formula:

When you stop needing to be needed, narcissists lose all power over you.
 When you stop performing selflessness, you stop seeking people who need saving.
 When you know your worth, the dynamic dissolves entirely.

This week, I want you to get uncomfortable:

• How do you use empathy as a shield?
• Do you volunteer before being asked so no one calls you selfish?
• Do you feel most valuable when someone needs you?
• Do you struggle to know what you want when other people aren’t involved?

These aren’t flaws—they’re clues.
 Clues to where you’re performing instead of knowing.

Then ask yourself:

What would I do differently if I truly believed I was valuable exactly as I am?

That answer is your roadmap.

As we close, remember this:

We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have. The narcissist, the empath, the codependent—we’re all wounded in different ways. But when you can look at yourself and them with honesty and compassion, you become free. Free from needing them to change. Free from proving you’re different. Free from the entire performance.

You are enough without the mask.
 You are worthy without the role.
 And once you know that, you will never again be a match for a narcissist.

Thank you for being here. See you next Monday at 7 pm Eastern in The Healing Room.